Your Chickens are Trying to Kill Me!

Wifey seems to be having a bit of an issue with the ladies.  I don’t understand what the problem is?  The girls are sweet as can be to me. They say “good morning” and even move over, just a bit, so I can easily collect their eggs.  Yet, Wifey tells a bit of a different tale.  I think it is time for a little Wifey interview, to shed some light on the chicken situation…

Me:Ok, now what is the problem with the girls?

Wifey: They are trying to kill me!

Me:Don’t you think you are overreacting just a bit?  They are sweet ladies, and I really don’t think they are trying to hurt you.

Wifey:You were not out there!

Me:Ok, I agree.  I did not collect eggs today.  Why don’t you tell me what happened and what you did to upset the ladies.

Wifey: I did not do a thing to upset the ladies!  That white one, with the dot on her head, tried to kill me!

Me: Do you mean my sweet Angel?  The polish/silkie cross?

Wifey: That chicken is a mutt!  And, it behaves like a pterodactyl…no a raptor!

Me: Angel has always been sweet and gentle with me.  Are you sure we are talking about the same chicken?

Wifey: I knew you would not believe me, so I have surveillance footage for proof!  I nearly lost a finger because of that bird!

Me: Ok, let’s see it…

Wifey:See!  I told you! I am so done with that chicken!

Me: I am sorry, but I have to side with Angel.  She was obviously frightened.  You did not even say hello to her, you just reached down, with your scary farm glove and tried to steal her potential babies!  I would attack you, too!

Wifey:Of course you would side with a chicken!  (Insert eye roll)  That chicken and her brood are all yours tomorrow.  I am so done!  And by the way, Mama tried to kill me, too!

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“Mama” – Partridge Rock

After this conversation, I decided to walk out to Angel’s coop and check in on her.  I immediately said “hello” and scooped her up.  She glanced at me, with those beautiful eyes  and gave her usual friendly chirp!  Look at that face!  Does that look like the face of a killer?

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Sweet Angel

Watch for an update, coming soon, about Wifey and the so-called “killer chickens”.

Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You…

♥Roda

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Pure Torture

There are very few things in life that I truly despise. I attempt to find the positive in any situation, but there is one event that I avoid like the plague. It is far worse than cooked green beans or my annual OB/GYN visit. In fact, I would choose to give birth to my 13 pound twins, all over again, before partaking in this event. You’re probably thinking, what can be worse than that!? One thing…the dentist!

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I dislike…. no, despise the dentist. Going to the dentist is a fancy cover-up for a modern-day torture chamber. Contemplate this… When I enter that bright and cheery waiting room, complete with Nemo, swimming in a large saltwater tank, I instantly become suspicious. There are perky ladies, behind the counter, with flawless pearly whites. (Those teeth would give Michigan’s freshly fallen snow serious competition!) Overly perky, middle-aged women, with perfect teeth??? This was also a serious concern.

No one is that happy, every moment of every day. It is impossible! I can say this from experience. I am an upbeat and perky person, 95% of the time. Yet, I do have a dark-side. I can get the grumbles and have my panties in a wad in 2 seconds flat. Once again, no one is continuously filled with perfect smiles and fairy dust…it is purely impossible.

Tomorrow, I am the victim… I will sit and wait in agony, knowing what the dentist will do to me. A humongous auger will drill in my mouth, mining for gems and treasures. The sounds that will come from the back room will fill my body with chills, from head to toe. My teeth are instantly clenched just contemplating the thought.  I must try to relax and focus on Nemo, who will whisper to me, “Just keep swimming”, from the tank.

If you don’t hear from me again, you will know why…

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Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You…
♥Roda

The Many Reasons WHY I Need A Vacation!

Warning…this post is not as positive as most.  There might even be some naughty words!  Proceed with caution…

img_7153Yesterday began like any other Monday…

  1. I woke up – 6:00 a.m.
  2. I sent the kiddos off to school.
  3. I ate breakfast, checked my blog/ e-mail and fed Murphy.
  4. I started laundry in both washers. (Yes, we have two washers and two dryers.  Best investment ever!  One set on each floor.  With teenagers and farm laundry, I am happy to not lug laundry, up and down stairs, all day long.  Now, if only I had two dishwashers!)
  5. 30 minutes of Yoga
  6. I meal planned and ordered groceries for the week, to be delivered in the afternoon. (I love that for a very small fee, grocery shopping is now completed from my phone, in 15 minutes.  I save hours and don’t forget a thing!  I also don’t buy all the extras that are not on the list!  Best service EVER!!!)
  7. I started my favorite little cleaning friend, Roomba – AKA “Rumi”!  (If you have ever considering investing in a little robot vac, I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you have pets (children included)!  Rumi does a fantastic job.  She also occupies the cats for hours!)
  8. Finally, I bundled up, to head out, into the arctic bliss, for chores at 9:30a.m.

These steps all ran very smoothly!  I am a bit of a type A person.  (Big Surprise!) I am all about streamlining and multitasking.  I have a lot of passions and like to have time for them all, without the weight of weekly tasks getting in my way.

***

As I walked to the barn, I had a huge smile on my face!  The sun was shining, the sky was clear blue and no new snow had fallen overnight!  It might have only been 7 degrees, but it was gorgeous outside. Oh happy day!  Cue up “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina & The Waves!img_7155.jpgAs I opened the barn door, I was instantly greeted by hungry animals.  Magic was huffy. I guess I was not moving fast enough!  Little Frodo was pawing at his stall door, wanting out immediately and the sheep were all BAAAAAAing up a storm.  You would think these animals were starving!  In the meantime, the goats frantically paced the fence, waiting for their hay.  I am only one person, yet I could hear all of the animals calling, “Me first, me first!”.

From that point on, my routine became a bit rocky.

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  Let me make another list…

  1. Sam, the goat, decided to say “hello” by head-butting me, while I bent over to clean out the hay feeder.  Really? Are you kidding me… I love you and appreciate your playful way, to say “good morning”, but do I look like a goat!?
  2. One of the heated water bowls was frozen solid.  I broke the ice and filled the bowl  with hot water. I am in charge of living things.  Wifey is in charge of dead things.  The water bowl was not working, therefore it was “dead”.  Period.  Case Closed!  I immediately added that to Wifey’s to do list!
  3. When I entered the duck run, with a nice goat induced headache coming on, I notice one of the Indian Runner ducks had a bloody wing.  It looked like a pulled pin-feather, but it was difficult to tell.  She was hungry and was not going to tolerate me doctoring her, at the moment.  When I texted Wifey to tell her about ducky, the text went something like this…  ” I had a bloody *uck.”  You can imagine where Wifey went with that one!  I tend to dictate my texts and need to really slow down and proof them.  So, if I ever text any of you reading this, and you see the word *uck, please know that I am talking about my sweet DUCKS!
  4. I proceeded to the chicken run ,to give the girls their morning treats, including meal worms and crickets.  Sweetie, one of my seabright bantams, loves her treats and often flies and lands on my head or shoulder, impatiently waiting for a sprinkle.  Well, I guess I was not moving fast enough for her either, for she swooped down, landed on my head, and decided pecking my head would speed up the situation!  Goats…chickens…why my head, people!?
  5. At that point, I was glad to be done with critters.  The only love I received, was from Ophe the Newfoundland and the 6 barn cats!  At least a few of them were in a good mood!  I had gone from singing “Walking on Sunshine” to 9 to 5 by Dolly!
  6. I always save mucking stalls for last.  As you can see, if I mucked stalls first, it would be full on mutiny.  Without a doubt, Farmer Roda would be burned at the stake!  On a positive note, I had a moment of love when I noticed a piece of horse poo, in the perfect shape of a heart.  It was a magical piece of poo and for a moment, I smiled and felt love.  Then, I realized I was hit in the head harder than I thought, and it was really just a chunk of horse shit…I mean poo. (Girl, pull yourself together!) img_7156
  7. I loaded up the tractor, with soiled bedding from the stalls, and headed out to the compost pile.  With over a foot of snow on the ground, I knew low gear would be my friend.  Most importantly, I needed to be careful not to get the tractor stuck!  Considering our gator/plow was picked for repairs, nothing could happen to the tractor.  %&$*%&$*@&$@  Let’s just say that there were spinning tires, colorful language and flying horse nuggets!  But, in the end, I WON!  The tractor is back in the barn, safe and sound!
  8. Finally…3 hours later I was finished!  Just in time to shower before groceries would be delivered.  I am notorious for forgetting my towel before showering.  I am known for bellowing for someone to please bring me a towel.   Well, today I was on my own.  I would dry my feet on the bath mat, enough to get to the closet of towels, in our room.  As I opened the closet door, I realized I washed all of our towels this morning!  There was nothing but wash cloths and hand towels left!    I had no words…at least not any I should type!img_7158As you can see, these are all first world problems.  I know, I need to call the WHAMbulance…in fact, I think I will call it for myself!  One week from Friday, I escape the farm for 4 days, on my little mini vacation!img_7159 No laundry…  No cleaning…  No cooking… No chores… I will stay clean! Most importantly,  I will not get head butted! Although, a pigeon just might land on my head…img_7157

I am now singing, “It’s the Final Countdown” by Europe!

Where in the world is Roda going!?

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Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You…

Roda

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