I feel like a walking hormone and not in a good way! I’m very experienced at what a walking hormone looks like – I have three teenagers. I am an expert when it comes to hormones. I live first hand the days of tears one minute to piercing glances the next. Like I said, I have three adorable teenagers, therefore I am an expert when it comes to hormones. I really don’t even need to give you examples. That in itself says it all…
Ironically, the teenagers are not the current problem. I AM. I am the problem. I am the 45-year-old walking hormone. Now you might be thinking, “Good for her!”, “You go girl!” or “What’s your secret?!” Don’t get your hopes up… Like I said, it’s not in a good way. Let me shed just a little light on my situation…
This morning, I needed to partake in my weekly adventure to our local Family, Farm and Home. Granted, in the days before the farm, Wifey and I would have enjoyed a weekly trip to Target. Our small farm, Indigo Acres, has grown quickly and is a home for over 130 adorable animals. The weekly Target trip, with a cart full of snacks, a new graphic T and a serious amount of toilet paper has become a weekly journey to the farm store for animal feed, fly spray and meal worms. Needless to say, I’m living my dream. After 22 years of teaching elementary education, I was ready to close that door and build my dream farm. Honestly, kids and farm animals have a lot in common, but that is a whole other blog post!
Now that I’ve given you a little background, allow me continue on with my struggle of being a 45-year-old hormonal female farmer… While at the farm store this morning, I was lifting 40 pound bags of feed. Normally, this would not be an issue. I am in great shape and exercise daily. I consider lifting feed a super arm workout and embrace the extra calorie burn! What I don’t embrace is the instant feeling of being dropped into the mouth of a volcano, filled with hot lava, while being covered in sweat, as if I was just out in a torrential down pour. I’m surprise someone didn’t stop me and ask if I just finished my first marathon! I was lifting chicken feed! Come on! Thank goodness I was wearing my athletic gear. I’m hoping people assumed I just came from the gym. Maybe I inspired someone, with my HOT mess of self, to go and work out! Yes… Let’s go with that!
After checking out, I maneuvered my way, in the hot sun, to my candy apple red mini Cooper S, with black and white checkered mirror caps and a white stripe down the middle. Her name is Vern and she always makes me smile! At this point, you’re probably thinking, “This woman is nuts! Hormones have made her completely and undeniably insane… She names her car! “. To top it off, you are probably also thinking that it’s odd that I have a farm and don’t have a traditional farm truck. Nope… Can’t blame this one on hormones. I truly am just quirky. Do what you love…love what you do!
Once Vern was loaded to the brim, I turn the AC on full blast. My toes soon turned baby blue and goosebumps lined my arms, like little solders, trying to calm down the violent fury of heat, churning inside my body. Maybe some tunes would calm my nerves. I am passionate about music, so before I left the parking lot, I had to decide on a playlist. I carefully selected one of my favorites called, “Love and Stuff”, thinking it would relax me. This playlist is filled with songs that remind me of my beautiful wife, aka “Wifey”. The music began to fill the space around me, my body was relaxing and I was finally on my way home.
Within minutes, the tears started streaming down my face, as “You Matter To Me” by Sara Bareilles started playing. Considering the temperature in the car, I’m surprised icicles did not form on my cheeks! Granted, they would’ve probably melted instantly, do to the raging fire that burned beneath my flesh. My sunglasses were steaming up and I could hardly see to drive. I quickly push the next button, hoping for something more upbeat.
Next up was ‘“Power of Two” by the Indigo Girls. I thought that would be safe. I love the Indigo Girls. I won’t admit to how many concerts I’ve attended, but they’ve told my story since “Closer to Fine” came out in 1989. Sadly, I was in wrong. Between the amazing acoustic guitar and Emily’s voice, I was done. Once again, sobbing uncontrollably while driving Vern. This was serious and serious times require serious measures…dark chocolate! I keep an emergency stash of treats in my bag. Cookies, dark chocolate, etc. Don’t tell the teenagers. Well, it might help them with their own hormonal mood swings… On second thought, don’t tell them. I don’t share well, especially in my current state of emotion!
I quickly unwrapped that rich, almost frozen, chocolatey goodness. I could feel every part of my body melting, in a good way! There is something truly magical about chocolate… I thought I had gained enough composure to turn the volume back up. I quickly pushed the next button, with hopes of something upbeat! Then, it was all over… “I Belong to You” by Brandi Carlile echoed through Vern’s speakers. What the hell was I thinking!? Considering I was already a sweaty mess, my workout mix would have been the perfect choice!
At that point, I gave up and just turned my tunes off. I drove home in silence, trying to regain composure once again. I tried to look straight ahead, for fear that a single glance of a bird on a tree limb or cow in a pasture might push me completely over the edge.
I pulled in the driveway and was greeted by my youngest son, who reminded me that three of his hormonal friends would be coming over to swim in about 30 minutes. It will be loud, the fridge door will most likely be left open and the pantry will be emptied, completely. But, I will take teenage hormones over my ticking time bomb of volcanic emotions any day!
As always…especially right now…
Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You