I Feel Like a Walking Hormone

I feel like a walking hormone and not in a good way!   I’m very experienced at what a walking hormone looks like –  I have three teenagers. I am an expert when it comes to hormones. I live first hand the days of tears one minute to piercing glances the next. Like I said, I have three adorable teenagers, therefore I am an expert when it comes to hormones. I really don’t even need to give you examples. That in itself says it all…

Ironically, the teenagers are not the current problem. I AM. I am the problem. I am the 45-year-old walking hormone. Now you might be thinking, “Good for her!”, “You go girl!” or “What’s your secret?!”  Don’t get your hopes up… Like I said, it’s not in a good way. Let me shed just a little light on my situation…

This morning, I needed to partake in my weekly adventure to our local Family, Farm and Home. Granted, in the days before the farm, Wifey and I would have enjoyed a weekly trip to Target. Our small farm, Indigo Acres, has grown quickly and is a home for over 130 adorable animals.   The weekly Target trip, with a cart full of snacks, a new graphic T and a serious amount of toilet paper has become a weekly journey to the farm store for animal feed, fly spray and meal worms. Needless to say, I’m living my dream.  After 22 years of teaching elementary education, I was ready to close that door and build my dream farm. Honestly, kids and farm animals have a lot in common, but that is a whole other blog post!

Now that I’ve given you a little background, allow me continue on with my struggle of being a 45-year-old hormonal female farmer… While at the farm store this morning, I was lifting 40 pound bags of feed. Normally, this would not be an issue. I am in great shape and exercise daily. I consider lifting feed a super arm workout and embrace the extra calorie burn! What I don’t embrace is the instant feeling of being dropped into the mouth of a volcano, filled with hot lava, while being covered in sweat, as if I was just out in a torrential down pour. I’m surprise someone didn’t stop me and ask if I just finished my first marathon! I was lifting chicken feed! Come on!  Thank goodness I was wearing my athletic gear. I’m hoping people assumed I just came from the gym. Maybe I inspired someone, with my HOT mess of self, to go and work out! Yes… Let’s go with that!

After checking out, I maneuvered my way, in the hot sun, to my candy apple red mini Cooper S, with black and white checkered mirror caps and a white stripe down the middle. Her name is Vern and she always makes me smile!   At this point, you’re probably thinking, “This woman is nuts! Hormones have made her completely and undeniably insane… She names her car! “.  To top it off, you are probably also thinking that it’s odd that I have a farm and don’t have a traditional farm truck. Nope… Can’t blame this one on hormones. I truly am just quirky.  Do what you love…love what you do!

Once Vern was loaded to the brim, I turn the AC on full blast.   My toes soon turned baby blue and goosebumps lined my arms, like little solders, trying to calm down the violent fury of heat, churning inside my body.  Maybe some tunes would calm my nerves.  I am passionate about music, so before I left the parking lot, I had to decide on a playlist.   I carefully selected one of my favorites called, “Love and Stuff”, thinking it would relax me. This playlist is filled with songs that remind me of my beautiful wife, aka “Wifey”.  The music began to fill the space around me, my body was relaxing and I was finally on my way home.

Within minutes, the tears started streaming down my face, as “You Matter To Me” by Sara Bareilles started playing. Considering the temperature in the car, I’m surprised icicles did not form on my cheeks! Granted, they would’ve probably melted instantly,  do to the raging fire that burned beneath my flesh. My sunglasses were steaming up and I could hardly see to drive. I quickly push the next button, hoping for something more upbeat.

Next up was ‘“Power of Two” by the Indigo Girls. I thought that would be safe. I love the Indigo Girls. I won’t admit to how many concerts I’ve attended, but they’ve told my story since “Closer to Fine” came out in 1989. Sadly, I was in wrong. Between the amazing acoustic guitar and Emily’s voice, I was done. Once again, sobbing uncontrollably while driving Vern.  This was serious and serious times require serious measures…dark chocolate!  I keep an emergency stash of treats in my bag.  Cookies, dark chocolate, etc. Don’t tell the teenagers. Well, it might help them with their own hormonal mood swings…  On second thought, don’t tell them.  I don’t share well, especially in my current state of emotion!

I quickly unwrapped that rich, almost frozen, chocolatey goodness.  I could feel every part of my body melting, in a good way!  There is something truly magical about chocolate… I thought I had gained enough composure to turn the volume back up.  I quickly pushed the next button, with hopes of something upbeat!  Then, it was all over… “I Belong to You” by Brandi Carlile echoed through Vern’s speakers.  What the hell was I thinking!?  Considering I was already a sweaty mess, my workout mix would have been the perfect choice!

At that point, I gave up and just turned my tunes off. I drove home in silence, trying to regain composure once again. I tried to look straight ahead, for fear that a single glance of a bird on a tree limb or cow in a pasture might push me completely over the edge.
I pulled in the driveway and was greeted by my youngest son, who reminded me that three of his hormonal friends would be coming over to swim in about 30 minutes. It will be loud, the fridge door will most likely be left open and the pantry will be emptied, completely.  But, I will take teenage hormones over my ticking time bomb of volcanic emotions any day!

As always…especially right now…

Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You




23 thoughts on “I Feel Like a Walking Hormone

  1. Awww hon! Massive (non-sweaty hug) coming your way! I’m 37 and this year for the first time in my life, I’ve started getting some night sweats. Whether this is early menopause or some other weird female hormonal junk going on, I do not envy you these flare ups during the day!! As for emotional gushing, well, I’ve ALWAYS been prone to that! So take it from me, allow yourself your feelings, go with the ugly crying, take joy in Vern and Wifey and stuff your face with all the dark chocolate in the world. You deserve it!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Roda. 1) I enjoyed this storytelling side of you very much! And 2) is it bad I want to hug you and laugh at the same time? Keeping chocolate in your bag is very smart! I think I need to pick up that trick.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am fine. I’m a sensitive creature anyway. I’m not a fan of the heat either. I love a 65° day with fluffy clouds and blue sky and a nice breeze! Throw in some rainbows and butterflies and it’s perfect

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It was just one of those days my sweet fairy sister and I’m with you all the way. Sometimes things surface that we carry around with us without even knowing about it. I share the emotional rollercoaster at times and especially music usually tips the scale for me and perhaps it is the reason I often drive in silence now. Sending a giant hug and much love xo 💙🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Unfortunately I know exactly what you are going through! Sometimes music, tv commercial, certain smell makes the hormonal emotions worse! Sometimes I bust out crying when Robin pulls in the driveway getting home from work!

    I turned 51 last month and have been experiencing hot flashes (off and on) for over a year. Went to doc for help in controlling hot flashes, unexplained moodiness, irregular cycles, etc. He out me on meds and all was going sort of ok until last month …a not so lovin aunt “flo” decided to visit….I haven’t seen her for over a year!!! I was stunned. I’m hoping this is not a pre/mid/post menopausal thing 😡

    Chocolate always makes everything soooo much better 🍫

    Sending you hugs & lots of love,

    Liked by 2 people

  5. HA HA HA! I am laughing because it is so true! I do not cry easily, at least I didn’t! Now, I never know what will set it off. I am 50 now and have had a few years of this on again, off again crap. The other day I was just standing in the kitchen and my torso was raining on my feet. I have no idea how I got that hot that fast! The oven wasn’t even on-I have decided to not take hormone replacements and just keep exercising and monitoring for the hot flash triggers. I hope I am on the backside of this nasty transition. Good luck to you Roda 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely agree-I have noticed that the humidity started bothering me more over the last few years, more so than the overall temperature. Running in AZ, where the temp was 80 but humidity at 7% is easier than in Seattle when its 66 but 80% humid. This is a new problem for me that I never expected!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Please don’t over exert yourself in these conditions! Farming and yard work are hard enough without having do deal with asthma on top of it! Stay safe out there!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I did morning chores and that was it. I refuse to go outside today – it is 91° . I am sassy and staying in. I am making lemon blueberry poundcake instead. And, finishing laundry to pack up kids from Marching Band camp next week! 😝

        Liked by 1 person

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